I am not a twisted-root asparagus anomaly. I do not give in to saintly, ignominious right-wing banter. I assign variables to devices not requesting input. I do not delve too deeply where the effort is not appreciated. I do not list to the left. I do not require 30,000 mile maintenance. I do not answer to the name Chester, Nathaniel or Dwight. I will not dismiss or acquit those that I know to be at fault. I do not watch helplessly. I do not sip. I do not really know the meaning of Thermodynamics, though I pretend to have memorized the first five laws. I do not walk in a stately manner. I do not observe style guides. I do not observe the Sabbath. I do observe. I am absurd. I do not dwell on the future... often I do not even acknowledge it. I am not afraid of contacting the deceased. I will not run from the sight of blood sausage or the smell of Limburger. I have never been involved in a political scandal. I disdain politics. I frequently inhale. I have also been known to utter obscenities under my breath. I ma not as great as I think I am. I am not as young as I think I am. I am more than willing to consume quantities of fried food. I believe the avant-garde is alive and well, dwelling somewhere in South America. I have greatest admiration for Robert Rauschenberg... despite the latest silkscreens. I taste less each day. I crave more each hour. I lust. I will not involve myself with the notion of political correctness. I do not slander. I do bitch and whine. I am not sick. I am a bit of a hypochondriac. I love time. I hate at times. I want to be respected. I respect when I believe it is due. I do not smoke (anymore). I am not the artist you imagine. I am not yet the artist I imagine myself to be. I think rice cakes are foul and silly. I would give the toes of my left foot for a vague understanding of life and death. I think too much... and not enough in the same day. I hate turnips, but love to say the word. I require hours alone, but miss people. I squint in bright light, but appear to have perfect vision. I am afraid of dental work, but feel dentists are too often maligned. I dismiss fanatics, but am intrigued by their fanaticism. I am afraid of nothing and everything simultaneously. I want it all but I will settle for understanding some of it. I want o cut the edge, but am afraid of what lies beneath. I do not want to contradict, but realize that life is a stream of bitter contradictions. I will not relive tomorrow. I will attempt to defy physics again and again. I will demand the attention of those in charge. I will not ignore the maladies of others, though my trust is thinning. I know, after all that help is a four letter word. I have disdain for those who will not help themselves when they are able. I will never again wear "toughskins" though it is probably now fashionable. I will not mock the clothes from the eighties, because they were at least different than the decades proceeding. If I am ever to be seen wearing a denim shirt and a tie I( hope for a painless but deserved gunshot to the heart. I would tell you everything, but it would only leave you wanting more.